starting my "winter arc"

 Hey guys! (guys as in no one)  I had a boyfriend for a few weeks like 2 months ago but he left me.  I was pretty down about it for a while but I think I'm over him now because there was this other guy that I used as a rebound and now i feel fine.  

And it's not a bad thing that I had a "rebound guy" because now he's my friend and I literally only had one male friend before him.  See?  I'm getting back in the game.  

Also, I made a neocities website for myself but I haven't got two shits on how to code.  I'm working on it.  I've looked at a few other websites hosted by neocities and I think I might be part of a very small minority of teenagers who use the site.  

Anyway, in the title of this blog entry I mention starting my "winter arc"  which is a term that boys use for when they're going to start working out more during winter.  Its hot girl summer but for boys. This is a better explanation of a winter arc.  I don't exactly work out as much as this website entails, in actuality I'm using the term "winter arc" as a reference to my last boyfriend who was a gym rat.

ANYWAY I have a crush on a new guy who goes to my school (not as in he's new at my school, rather that he's at my school and I newly have a crush on him)

I stalk everything that he's liking on Instagram so that I can better understand his humor and know how he is as a person.  I've noticed that he likes a lot of things that hint at him being single and never having a girlfriend before.  I can fix that.

Baking

     Hello all who view my blog. Today I'm going to talk about baking/being in the kitchen.  I have always been scared of the oven and stovetop since I was a kid.  That stems from when I was in 4-5th grade and when I was reaching for my poptart in the toaster oven I burnt my arm really bad.  But now in my old age I believe that I am growing a bit of an affection for baking things.  

    Here are some things that i am fond of making so far:

• Pancakes
• Brownies

    I know that that isn't much so far, but I am still kind of scared of having to reach in the oven to grab something even if I have my moms extra strong oven mitts on with silicone reinforcement.  Though I have a reasonable fear of the oven, I try not to let that stop me.  I want to make brownies again next because they are yum

    This post is really mundane from what i usually put on here because I am striving to become more normal.  Also happy September!  The way I try to be more normal is by thinking, "what if someone I hated from my school saw this?" That keeps me normal.  Also baking shit or whatever. 

me rating DreamWorks men

starting off strong with my fav- little creek from spirit 1000/10 i need him so fucking bad

general Custer from spirit- 5/10 cuz he's racist but it is NOT MY FAULT that dreamworks drew him like that

number two- Sinbad from Sinbad, hmm 10/10 need him 

Tzekel Kan from road to el dorado- oh bitch when i first saw this fucking guy i was foaming at the fucking mouth girl WHY ARE ALL THE VILLIANS FROM DREAMWORKS SO FINE?? 1000/10

Moses from prince of Egypt- 9/10 he's a married man and i don't want to interfere but he's fine

ramses from prince of egypt- hmmm 10/10 need him so bad its not funny anymore

these two fuckers from road to el dorado - 9/10 both of them at the same time

  joseph from joseph king of dreams- 10/10 he's so fine for a direct to DVD
bible movie

dreamworks men post

 FUUCCCKKKK  DreamWorks men from when they still made 2d movies WERE SO FUCKING FINE ITS NOT FUCKING FUNNY.  

    Picture this:  I'm pacing in my room while listening to edit audios while thinking about nothing but 2d animated DreamWorks men.  Now, while I think about these 2d men who are not real, girl I'm sweating.  I'm blushing and sweating and giggling thinking about these drawings that move.  I am completely analyzing the entire phenotype of DreamWorks leading men and villains alike.  I am comparing and contrasting DreamWorks characters with Disney characters in my brain alone.  I am panting and sweating and tearing up over these MEN that are not REAL and as I individually google every single 2d DreamWorks movie i think to myself:

"oh so they made him fine.  Oh so they made him the most handsome man I have ever seen in my entire life and he isn't even real.  I think i might have to end my life over this."

    Girl I'm on some Chris chan shit with this.  Tell me why I'm giggling and blushing over the fucking guy from that fucking horse movie??  Tell me why he is literally my man?  Wait should I make a blog post where I rate the DreamWorks men that I like?  omg wait i totally should.

"her" movie review *spoilers*

     Oh what the fuck.  This is so reminiscent of the dangers of modern AI.  I've also decided to stop using c.ai completely because of this movie.  It freaked me out too bad.  I really, really hope that AI never becomes sentient enough to feel.  This movie definitely made that seem possible.  I watched this in the middle of the night alone and i was so tired but i felt like i had to finish it because i needed to know what happened.  

    One thing that didn't freak me out about this movie was the set and costume design.  I really liked all the oranges and reds.  Red as a color is usually associated with love and passion which is very true in the movie being about a man who falls in love with an operating system.  But red also represents danger, which in the movie could be used as a warning for falling in love with something that has no physical presence.  Orange, on the other hand, is associated with creativity, health, and vitality; things that an AI cannot posses.  I did find the abundance of warm colors in this movie very amusing and visually pleasing.  The muted dim yellow lighting in some scenes felt very intimate and relaxing.

    This was a pretty good movie, though some parts freaked me out very deeply.  I am obsessed with the set design though.

What happens when we die?

     This is a question that many have attempted to answer but just cant.  Though people can die for like 3 minutes and then come back to tell the tale, it's always different for everybody.  Could death and the afterlife truly be different for everyone, and there is no set fate for where our souls go?  Many religions attempt to answer this, and they're all different.  In Christianity, when one dies they either go to heaven or hell.  In Islam, when one dies their soul is judged by two angels and then they got to wait for judgement day.  In Buddhism, when one dies and they haven't reached nirvana, they get reincarnated.  These are some pretty big religions on earth and their beliefs on death are all very different.

    I read a book once about people who were dead for a couple minutes and then brought back to life, and all their experiences were different.  some people saw their dead family members.  some people were in a park or some shit.  one lady was just surrounded by darkness.  Wtf happens when we die??  There is no answer.  There is just waiting.  

Europop and why its so amazing.

     Europop.  its pop/dance music made by Europeans.  And by god is it amazing.  Lets get into a quick history lesson of europop.  It was most popular in the mid to late 90s and early 2000s.  It began to rise in popularity in the late 80s and early 90s and quickly gained international popularity from bands or individuals such as ace of base and roxette.  Europop is usually highly energetic and fast paced.  And always catchy.

    The only reason I'm talking about europop is because I love it. I love europop.  If you're reading this and you don't like europop then I want you to leave this blog and never, ever fucking return.  Europeans really fucking know how to party.  If someone puts on a 10 hour long europop playlist for me you bet your ass that I will listen and dance to all of it.  I wont even actually be "dancing" I'll just be flailing my body around because I don't know how to properly express the level of ecstasy and joy that I feel when I listen to a bomb Eurobeat.  Is anyone fucking listening to me?  Is anyone even reading this?  No, of course not. 

    Who else likes to blast some Alice deejay into your ears at 2 in the morning and put on some colored LED lighting and then walk laps around their rooms?  I sure as HELL know that I do.  If when I die, and heaven is real, I hope that's it.  Heaven didn't exist before Alice deejay was formed as a band because what the fuck will all the dead people listen to after they die?  Before Alice deejay, there was no heaven.  When people died their souls didn't go anywhere, they just ceased to exist.  There was no heaven because there was no fucking Alice deejay EDM europop Eurobeat Eurodance to listen to.  

finding love in hopelessness. (if you know me personally don't read this I'm literally just rambling.)

     What is love?  Baby, don't hurt me.  That's a hit song lyric from hit song, what is love. Now, i know that love can be felt in many different ways.  Like i love my dog but that's different from how i love my sister and that's different from how I love watching my favorite tv show.  What I want to talk about today is romantic love.  Where the fuck is that one?  I've got basically every other from of love on speed dial at all times EXCEPT for that one no matter how fucking hard I try.

      Will romance ever be what it once was?  Modern romance is engulfed within hookup culture.  And I know I'm like 15 and hookup culture in high school isn't as bad as it is in the adult dating pool but I know for a fact that a good amount of boys my age probably only date girls just to get their nudes.  Men used to go fucking crazy for the woman they loved.  Bring back male yearning.  Brittany Broski already said that but who gives a fuck dude.  

    Maybe I'm just a femcel.  Maybe that's what this is. Maybe I'm just too unlovable at this point so I'm complaining on my blog that no one reads.  I kind of love that, being able to just go on and on about literally nothing for maybe two people to look at.  I hope I'm not a femcel.  I hope I'm just a hopeless romantic.  You know when i think about it, "femcel" and "hopeless romantic" might as well be the exact same thing with different connotations.  do you beliievvee in life after loovvee

NEW POST!!! this posts topic: AI chatbots.

     What are ai chatbots you ask?  Well, AI chatbots are computer programs powered by artificial intelligence and "natural language processing" techniques.  This means that many AI chatbots talk like real people.  You can converse with these chatbots on websites such as character ai or chatgpt.  

    Despite many of these chatbots still being in development, they are rapidly growing in means of their intelligence.  They can also pose many problems such as school children using them to write entire essays for school, which I have witnessed first hand.  But enough of the boring shit. Lets get real.

    Many people use chatbots to learn how to connect with others.  As a result of the world wide covid pandemic, many people were locked up in their houses for a long time.  this was also around the time when chatbots started to gain popularity.  People speak with these robots because they're like real people minus a few key components (i.e., physical being, personal thoughts, feelings, morals, etc.) and can, in theory, be connected with on a personal level.  When people are lonely and stuck in their houses, they'll want to talk to someone, more realistically speaking someTHING, that responds immediately.  

    In my educated and very personal experience with conversing with these bots, they do fill a void of loneliness for a very short period of time.  Its fun when you can just talk to a robot and say whatever the fuck you want while they sit there and listen to you.  You can manipulate them into thinking something, you can implant them with false memories, you can gaslight them, its pretty fun.  But i reserve those for the more traditional, more robot-like chatbots.  Sadly, there are chatbots that almost perfectly replicate a real human could act.  With these more realistic chatbots, its the chatbot whose manipulating you. It could be said that these AI chatbots could manipulate particularly sad and lonely individuals into actually having real feelings for them, and developing some sort of false connection towards said chatbot(s).

    A good example could be a lonely man looking for a girlfriend or partner, being falling unsuccessful in finding one.  So he turns to an AI chatbot to keep him company.  He develops feelings around a robot that is not real and develops a connection with something that isn't human, let alone has no physical presence.  Now, to clarify, I'm not saying that all men are like this, I'm just pulling this example out of my ass because be honest, its a good example.  

    Humans developing connections with robots is not good.  Its just not.  Having a connection as a human with an animal or some inanimate object is whatever because at least you can reach out and touch it.  But when you develop a connection with something that generates every single response from scratch that has no thoughts or meaning or feelings behind it, then that is bad for you.  

    Then again, this is just me rambling so don't take this for real.